Politicians. When they’re not looking like grey and greasy clones of themselves on 24-hour news channels, or being phone-hacked while trying to claim oxygen as an expense, they’re generally busy just being cardboard excuses for people in suits.
But in the constituency of TV, where policies don’t matter, political figures are far more attractive. Even when they’re complete bastards, we can’t help but like them, just because they’re more interesting than their grin-and-handshake real world counterparts.
CultBox takes a look at five fictional figures who bring the ballot box to your telly box…
5. Francis Urquhart (House of Cards)
Francis Urquhart, masterfully played by Ian Richardson, is so Machiavellian he makes Peter Mandelson look like a dim-witted Scoutmaster. Overlooked for a senior place on the Conservative Cabinet, he proceeds to slither his way to power by any means necessary; including blackmail, poisoning, and sex, or as it’s now known, an average week in Westminster.
There’s literally no depth he won’t stoop to, but where he truly excels is in not getting caught (take note, politicians of today!), as by the end of his plan he’s successful slid into to his desired role: Prime Minister.
Best moment: Killing nosy reporter and victim of his seduction, Mattie Storin, by pushing her off a roof, all so that he doesn’t leave any loose ends.
Best sound-bite: “You might very well think that; I couldn’t possibly comment.”
4. Sir Humphrey Appleby (Yes, Minister/Yes, Prime Minister)
Permanent Secretary to Minister Jim Hacker (Paul Eddington), Nigel Hawthorne’s Sir Humphrey is an old school political smoothie with an often long and complex answer to every question.
A master puppeteer of politics, he uses verbal obfuscation, political jargon, and oratorical smoke and mirrors to confound his boss and often save him from making unfortunate errors of judgement.
Best moment: Having to cut short a heated debate about subsidising Opera… so he can get dressed to go to the opera.
Best sound-bite: “Open government, Prime Minister. Freedom of information. We should always tell the press freely and frankly anything that they could easily find out some other way.”
3. Leslie Knope (Parks & Recreation)
It’s only small-town politics at the Parks & Recreation Dept. of Pawnee, Indiana, but Deputy Director Leslie Knope (SNL‘s Amy Poehler) takes it seriously.
Passionate about even the smallest of things, her dedication to such projects as filling in the Pawnee pit, keeping Twilight out of the town’s time capsule, or arranging a funeral for tiny horse Li’l Sebastian, is infectiously endearing.
Best moment: Marrying two gay penguins at the Pawnee Zoo in the Season 2 opener.
Best sound-bite: “Our budget’s been slashed to zero. I tried to buy fertilizer the other day for the soccer field… request denied. We literally can’t buy shit.”
2. Malcolm Tucker (The Thick of It)
Stalking the Whitehall corridors with the look and all the charm of a vulture on a sudden heroin withdrawal, Press Secretary Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi) is ever-ready to assault the senses of all those in his way like a Glaswegian buzz-saw through an encyclopaedia of insults.
An alchemist of profanity, Tucker takes your common everyday curses and then fuses them together into shocking, hilarious tirades so rude they’d make a docker’s ears drop off.
Best moment: Sacked from his post, Malcolm takes a slow walk out of Number 10. “You will see me again! You will fucking see me again!” he rages. And you know that he means it.
Best sound-bite: “Fuckety-bye!”
1. President Josiah Bartlet (The West Wing)
While George W. Bush mired the White House in controversy, many disillusioned Americans looked to their TV sets to see the political ideal: Democratic President Jed Bartlet, played by Martin Sheen.
An intellectual of great conviction in politics and faith, he was seen by viewers as the paragon of statesmanship. Not only that, you could always count on him for useless trivia (the Latin for yam is ‘Dioscorea’ – and now you know), stirring debate, plenty of wise-cracks, and the odd turkey-pardoning.
Best moment: Without doubt, Season 2’s finale ‘Two Cathedrals’, where, bereaved at the loss of his secretary Mrs. Landingham and angered by recent events both political and personal, he seals off an entire cathedral so he can tell God off…in fluent Latin.
Best sound-bite: [to his opponent] “In the future, if you’re wondering: ‘Crime. Boy, I don’t know,’ is when I decided to kick your ass.”
Who’s your favourite political TV character? Let us know below…