It’s time to follow me down the rabbit-hole of cross-genre fiction as we look at the many characters who are, clearly, secretly Time Lords…

 

Willy Wonka

Time Lords love sweets. The Fourth Doctor had his jelly babies; the Tenth loved a spot of chocolate, especially Easter eggs; the Eleventh had a fondness for Jammie Dodgers and was known to have a humbug or two in his pockets (see ‘Vampires of Venice’). Twelve looks like a sherbet dip sorta guy.

But Mr. William Wonka is clearly a Gallifreyan with the sweetest tooth in Time and Space. His chocolate factory is bigger on the inside and creates bizarre 11^th Doctor style confectionary fit for newly regenerated taste-buds, such as Cheese & Anchovies, Hot Ice Cream for Cold Days, and Invisible Chocolate. It makes fish fingers and custard sound positively sane.

The Wonka also has a “glass elevator”, which is clearly a TARDIS in disguise.

In Roald Dahl’s second book, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, the whole Bucket family pack in and shoot off into space to counter an alien menace, the Vermicious Knids, in what is basically a Doctor Who plot for the sugar-addled.

 

Columbo

He never reveals his whole name. He possesses wacky hair and wears the exact same outfit for decades. He travels around in a beat-up old vehicle, refuses ever to handle a gun, and is dedicated to bringing evil-doers to justice. He’s also a genius. Lieutenant Columbo might as well be a future Doctor.

Like The Doctor he often mentions his missus too. And he’s occasionally joined by a trusty canine companion, only ever referred to as ‘Dog’, which is either a significant upgrade or downgrade to K9. I don’t think his dog is a robot, but it does have a nose, so we definitely know it’s not from Barcelona.

 

Kenneth Parcell

Pick up on all the hints, and you’ll quickly realise that 30 Rock‘s NBC page Kenneth Parcell has been alive for at least a century and will be around for at least two more.

He’s unaccustomed to regular human affairs to the point of alien naivety, and even has a Romana-style ridiculously long real name – Andromakennethamblesorten. Not exactly concrete evidence, but he’s so weird he has to be some kind of alien, why not one from Gallifrey?

 

More on Page 4…