30 Days of Fright: Spring 2012 horror DVD roundup

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Well, Spring’s finally here. The daffodils are sprouting, the sun is shining and the lambs are bouncing over the hills. Still, don’t be too optimistic; the flowers will shrivel any minute, I can see a raincloud over the horizon and those (silent) lambs are gamboling right on over to the abattoir.

So, it’s business as usual then as another motley bunch of new and old horror contenders step into the ring for a bloody fight to the death.

This edition’s big-hitter is the third installment and second prequel in the found-footage bonanza that is the Paranormal Activity franchise. The cunningly-titled Paranormal Activity 3 takes place in 1988 in the childhood home of the protagonists of the first and second film, Katie and Kristi, as they and their parents undergo their first poltergeist encounter.

Though set in a new decade, complete with dodgy hair and fuzzy video camera, it’s business as usual in Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman’s only slightly tired film, as the camera waits endlessly to pick up small yet significant actions and eerie sounds off-screen to make you soil yourself. It says a lot about the success of these movies that three productions in, the masterful direction is enough to still scare the audience shitless, even if they know what’s coming next.

Speaking of tried and tested formulas we’ve all seen before, next up, we have the second season of George A Romero’s cult ‘80s anthology show, Tales from the Darkside. Season 1 was highly enjoyable, with some quality guest writers in the form of Stephen King, Robert Bloch and others. Season 2, crushingly, is nowhere near as fun.

Despite the odd decent idea, most of these 24 episodes come across as half-baked, badly directed and sometimes just plain confusing. Tellingly, no big names are on the credits save make-up legend Tom Savini, directing one episode awfully, and Romero, whose brilliant short starring an on-form Jerry Stiller as a hellbound shock-jock is not enough to save this from the scrapheap.

Romero’s fellow veteran horror grand-master, Dario Argento, fares somewhat better with his giallo classic, Four Flies on Grey Velvet, which gets a 40th anniversary DVD release. The Italian’s film tells the tale of the drummer in a rock band (Michael Brandon), who accidentally shoots his stalker only to then have a deadlier new menace in his place to blackmail him.

With a quality score from Ennio Morricone and lashings of the director’s pristine visual style and unrelenting brutality, this is vintage Argento. For purists, this version even has previously lost footage shoehorned into the main feature, which doesn’t really add anything to the plot, but is a nice extra to an already impressive package.

Finally, even though it feels dirty to mention it in the same space as Dario Argento, it’s best we knuckle down and mention The Watermen, a low-budget, seafaring chiller, starring Jason Mewes, of Clerks fame. Mewes once again pulls off his ultra-obnoxious schtick as the rich-kid leading a group of similarly hateable brats on a luxury yacht trip which goes awry as the disgruntled locals get even.

Needless to say, this Texas Chainsaw-at-sea affair provides some solid death scenes and quirky antagonists, though it is surprisingly frustrating. Presumably set off the coast of Florida, there is an overriding feeling of the local fishermen having suffered financially (echoes of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill) and there’s a hint of something more intelligent lurking beneath the surface.

Irritatingly, it turns out this was just a metaphorical tuna of an idea, rather than a nice, malevolent, satirical barracuda, and The Watermen sinks without trace.

What’s the best horror movie you’ve seen recently? Let us know below…