Paddy Power’s latest TV advert has been banned already, after only four days on TV! (Surely some kind of record, even for them.)
Dubbed ‘Chavs’, the new commercial sees Paddy Power’s veterinary-style attempts to keep Cheltenham ‘chav-free’, unlike Ascot.
Watch the ad…
‘In all our future meetings, I would know him more and he would know me less…’
To assuage the bewilderment of those who had struggled to follow the cockeyed chronology of the great love affair between Professor River ‘Melody Pond’ Song and Doctor Doctor ‘Doctor’ Who, BBC Three’s late, lamented Doctor Who Confidential put together a timeline, narrated by Alex Kingston, of the River Song story from beginning to end.
Or is it end to beginning? Either way, it clears up any confusion and proves that it does all make sense after all. No, honestly, it does…
‘He’s a useless shite, that boy. Punish him for me, Errol.’
Brick Top from Snatch dons the helmet and mask and joins the Galactic Empire under the name ‘Darth Vader’. Essential viewing for all fans of potty-mouthed cockney gangsters ringing up Grand Moff Tarkin to call the governor a ‘see-you-next-Tuesday’…
‘What the hell is this?’
Annie settles down with George and Mitchell to watch an unmarked DVD that somebody has sent her. It turns out to be something so hideous that even the supernatural flatmates are freaked out… and not only because it’s inexplicably soundtracked by Flo Rida…
‘Can I do this – or do I look like some sort of gay superhero?’
More vaguely amusing visual juxtaposition as Captain Picard is surprised during a meeting of high-level staff on the Starship Enterprise by some surprisingly candid video footage of himself. The smirk on Commander Riker’s face as he says, ‘I wish I’d known that Jean-Luc Picard,’ is a priceless moment of inappropriate perviness…
‘Through cosmic wastes the TARDIS flies, to taste the secret source of life…’
The idea of Matt Smith releasing a version of the Doctor Who theme tune with quasi-spiritual lyrics about listening to metallic teeth beginning to grind is either the stuff of nightmares or a hitherto un-thought-of marketing manager’s wet dream.
Either way, it’s as unlikely in 2012 as it was run-of-the-mill in the 1970s, a decade when the idea of a TV star releasing an ‘in character’ song was par for the course – if you don’t believe us, check out John Inman singing ‘Are You Being Served, Sir?’
But first, listen to Jon Pertwee getting all mystical in his (tragically uncharting) 1972 single, ‘Who is the Doctor?’…
‘This car’s a sod to drive at the moment…’
But before anyone starts thinking Pertwee was a grandiloquent old git, here he is on the set of The Five Doctors, struggling to get to grips with vintage roadster Bessie and swearing like a fishwife with a stubbed toe…
‘We kick them to the kerb unless they look like Mick Jagger…’ Life on the Starship Enterprise during James T. Kirk’s tenure at the helm was fraught with peril, the intrepid crew confronted by Klingons, Tribbles, dodgy sets, not-very-subtle deployment of stuntmen and an endless parade of redshirted extras being killed.
However, one thing that the captain, Spock, Uhura, Scotty and the rest of the gang knew how to do was how to relax. Here, soundtracked by Ke$ha’s ‘Tik Tok’, they go on a five-year mission to boldly party harder than anyone has partied before…
‘That slimy bugger…’ With the recession biting once again, Cassetteboy’s 2010 Daniel Craig-as-James Bond-sans-moolah cut-‘n’-paste is culturally relevant as ever. The scene where 007 gets hugely pissed and – inevitably – throws up into a sink is a thing of pleasure forever…
‘Get off the road!’ Where the inspiration for this came from, we’re struggling to fathom, but it works surprisingly well: the audio from a trailer for Lord of the Rings dubbed onto footage from the original Transformers TV movie. Optimus Prime as Gandalf is an obvious choice; Wreck-Gar as Gimli is more unexpected, but equally inspired…
‘Have you any idea how much Tiger Balm I’ve gone through every day on this stuff?’ In a frank, no-holds-barred interview, Daniel Radcliffe looks back on the eight Harry Potter movies and makes a stunning admission about his secret, double-life as a wizard, discussing his effect on women, his broom-burn, and the woeful lack of understanding Americans show for British sports…
‘Hahahahaha… what a funny joke…’ The best comedy series of the 1990s – oh yes it is … no, YOU shut up – was The Mary Whitehouse Experience, and it’s a continuing disappointment that rights issues and all manner of wrangles have prevented the television incarnation being released on DVD.
However, thanks to the ever-reliable combination of home taping, VHS-to-PC USB cables and YouTube, much of the series is available for shits and giggles. In ‘The Drinking Experience’, the Terminator struggles to negotiate his way around a pub toilet and Inspector Morse turns up at a crime scene looking rather tired and emotional….
It’s a big week for actor Ashley Taylor Dawson in Channel 4 soap Hollyoaks. It’s the day before Nancy’s wedding and Darren is putting the final plans in place for his surprise Valentines Day nuptials. Will she forgive Darren for his deception in time to make it down the aisle?
> Catch up with Hollyoaks on 4OD.
We caught up with Ashley to find out what he likes to watch to relax between filming…
Favourite TV show to cheer you up:
“8 Out of 10 Cats and Celebrity Juice always cheer me up.”
Favourite TV show to watch before going to sleep:
“I love to relax before bed by watching New Girl. I thought it was gonna be full of cheese but it totally surprised me. Very funny show, amazing writing.”
TV show that reminds you of your childhood:
“Is there anyone who grew up with Fresh Prince of Bel Air and doesn’t know all the words to the theme song? ‘Nuff said!”
TV show that reminds you of being a teenager:
“Friends is just TV gold. Every episode brings back memories.”
Favourite “guilty pleasure” TV show:
“Babestation!!! Hahaha.”
TV show that you find most addictive:
“I love wildlife and anything to do with the natural world. David Attenborough always pushes the boundaries of what’s possible and every show he does is both fascinating and educational. In my opinion he has the best job in the world.”
Favourite TV show to watch hungover:
“One show that I can always rely on to make me laugh is Family Guy. Dark humour. Easy to watch. Very funny. Perfect hangover TV.”
Axed TV show that you most wish would return:
“One show I always think should make a come back is Alan Partridge. He has done some radio shows but that simply isn’t enough. WE WANT MORE! “Back of the net!””
‘You’re one of the conspiracy lot, aren’t you?’
Combining Sherlock and Doctor Who isn’t all that difficult, a cynic might say; Steven Moffat has already done it by having basically the same conclusions to Series 2 of the former and Series 6 of the latter.
But we’re not cynical, so we don’t believe that at all – and it’s our wide-eyed lack of cynicism which probably explains why we love the heartfelt, fannish devotion which has gone into the making of this Wholock trailer for ‘The Fall’….
‘I cannot tell you why my ship withstood the power of that gun unless you tell me the principles it was built on.’
How much time Babelcolour spends adding colour, frame by frame, to 1960s episodes of Doctor Who, we don’t even want to think about. All we want is for him to keep doing it, because the examples in this portfolio of clips are spellbinding.
Seeing William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton and the gang transported from monochrome mediocrity to glorious Technicolor isn’t a rarity on YouTube, but seeing it done this well certainly is.
‘The hobbits, the hobbits, the hobbits, the hobbits …’
At one time, this was – in a deliberately cheap and tacky way – the funniest thing the internet ever invented. If, by some miracle, you haven’t seen it yet, then approach with caution. You will never be able to watch The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers in the same way again.
‘Wall-E…?’
The trailer for Prometheus – Ridley Scott’s Alien-prequel-that-isn’t-actually-an-Alien-prequel-but-it’s-set-in-the-same-universe-and-yeah-it’s-about-the-creatures-that-left-the-big-ship-in-Alien-but-there’s-no-Ripley-stop-asking-me-about-Alien-for-God’s-sake – is one of the most intriguing of the teasers for this year’s movie blockbusters.
How can it be improved? By adding a much-loved cartoon figure, of course. It’s like eating ham and custard creams at the same time: it shouldn’t work but it does.
‘Oh my God, I don’t think I can go on. This is so emotional that I’m getting a stalk-on.’
At the tail-end of the 1990s, Tom Baker was trying to record the voiceover for a radio commercial for a furniture company. Struggling against a dismal script about ‘the passion of retail’ the former Doctor Who star begins to ramble, swear and be generally about a million times more entertaining than the advert could ever have hoped to be.
Actress Jessica Fox has a big week coming up in Channel 4 soap Hollyoaks next Monday. It’s the day before Nancy’s wedding and Darren is putting the final plans in place for his surprise Valentines Day nuptials. Will she forgive Darren for his deception in time to make it down the aisle?
> Catch up with Hollyoaks on 4OD.
We caught up with Jess to find out what he likes to watch to relax between filming…
Favourite TV show to cheer you up:
“I really love The IT Crowd. it’s super silly but really makes me laugh!”
Favourite TV show to watch before going to sleep:
“I like to put on a bit of Sex and the City. I think I might know every scene by heart by now, but the girls feel like my friends!”
TV show that reminds you of your childhood:
“Mr Benn, I loved that show and have a massive print in my living room of Mr Benn saying ‘cheerio’ in the doorway of the fancy dress shop!”
TV show that reminds you of being a teenager:
“I think it has to be Friends. I remember watching the season finale when Ross said ‘Rachel’ at the alter and you could hear people all down the street shouting ‘NOOOOOOO’ at their TV!”
Your favourite “guilty pleasure” TV show:
“Probably 16 and Pregnant and the spin-off show, Teen Mom. I’ve started to really care what happens to these girls!”
TV show that you find most addictive:
“I find a lot of the American shows very addictive! I remember staying up for almost 24 hours watching Prison Break as every episode ended on a cliff hanger!”
Favourite TV show to watch hungover:
“Friends. Eeveryone knows it so well and it’s very easy to just watch episode after episode!”
Axed TV show that you most wish would return:
“Probably Sex and the City. I loved that show! However, I really didn’t enjoy the last film so I’d be worried if they did do another series that it wouldn’t live up to the original.”
» ‘The party’s arrived…’ Advertising slots during the Super Bowl are the most highly-prized (and expensive) on American TV. This year, a couple of the companies investing in commercials to be shown during the match between the New England Patriots and the New York Giants have produced ads with a cult theme – including Audi, with this slightly dated but funny Twilight parody.
» ‘Oh, good morning, Dean!’ Memes involving a re-voiced Darth Vader rarely fail to amuse. This week, it’s the turn of Kenneth Williams to don the mask, breathe heavily and ask Imperial commanders about the possibilities of gender realignment.
» ‘I’m coming… all the time…’ If you haven’t experienced Cassetteboy’s cutups of Stephen Fry reading JK Rowling’s Harry Potter novels, you’re missing out. Go and search for them in a couple of minutes – but first, enjoy their riotous video edit, ‘Harry Potter and the X-Rated Trailer’…
» ‘Now please stop buggering me!’ For high-quality Doctor Who mash-up magic, Farmergeddon has been the go-to guy since the days when editing videos together was a matter of hooking up two VCRs and pressing pause at the right time. His take on The Five Doctors is indisputably a work of comedy genius.
» ‘The dog is funnier than the Vader kid.’ Back to Super Bowl XLVI for the last of this week’s selections. Volkswagen’s kid-activates-car-with-the-Force ad became a worldwide hit after airing during the 2011 final, and this year, the full-length version of the company’s game day promo contains a coda set in a familiar cantina….
» ‘You’re a beautiful woman… probably.’ Every Doctor Who story from An Unearthly Child in 1963 to last Christmas’s The Doctor, The Widow and the Wardrobe, crammed into ten minutes of Eurythmics-remix-soundtracked glory by the legendary BabelColour…
» ‘Oh, how I’ve missed you, Holmes…’ The trailer for Sherlock Holmes: Book of Shadows re-cut to feature Basil, the Great Mouse Detective and his loyal sidekick, Dawson…
» ‘Your momma’s going on a date…’ When Darth Vader had a nervous breakdown, Akjak was there to capture the full, hilarious extent of his mental collapse…
» ‘What in the name of…?’ Anything involving Nyan Cat is like digital nicotine to us, but how did Captain Kirk and the crew of the USS Enterprise respond to the rainbow-crapping pop tart kitty that pretty much owned the internet in 2011?
» ‘Holy f@#*! What’s that?’ Doctor Who’s tenth anniversary story in 1973 had to be edited for transmission because it was simply too sweary for the kids – or it did if you believe TheTerryThomas…
Torchwood’s Eve Myles returns to the stage next month alongside Zach Braff (Scrubs, Garden State) in his new play, All New People. The contemporary comedy is written by Braff and opens at the Duke of York’s Theatre in London on 22nd February. > Buy Torchwood: Miracle Day on DVD on Amazon. We caught up with … >
England Rugby World Cup winner, national sporting hero and top TV star, Matt Dawson, presents an action-packed collection of rugby’s greatest ever players and most memorable moments in Matt Dawson’s Rip Roaring Rugby, out now through Revolver Entertainment. > Buy the DVD on Amazon. Filmed in the iconic Twickenham stadium, home of English rugby and … >