Just as we learned to remember his name, Michael was dropped faster than the sauce he’d helped invent. 3 down, 13 to go: picked your winner yet? Don’t be so hasty. The Apprentice is in the business of embarrassment, and business is good…

This week the candidates were summoned to an old converted cinema, which many assumed meant they’d be doing the classic ‘TV advert task’. Oh children, you should know by now that Shugsy is far more obtuse, for it was actually now a reclaimed furniture shop. There, among the pricey tea chests and cigar boxes, lurked the oldest and most valuable thing of all; Lord Sugar himself. His Sisyphean task this week? ‘Cash for Tat’.

Crushing Silence of the Week

Duane, fired-up from triumph last week and with the taste of Infusion chutney permanently seared onto his tongue, wanted to lead Team Sterling AGAIN. But he had competition from Scottish Laura, who we hadn’t heard much from in the past three weeks, and a vote ensued.

“Who votes for me?” Duane asked. The silence which followed could have crushed James Cameron’s little submarine. Never mind though, as Duane was still on hand to offer some solid business wisdom later on: “Never look a gift horse in the eye.”

Deal of the Week

Phoenix had quite the adventure collecting stock. A trip to the auction house ended with Adam rifling through a skip like an episode of Bargain Hunt gone badly awry, while at a car boot sale Tom smashed a picture frame and flouted the ‘you break it you buy it’ rule.

Yet the most entertaining moment of their tat-search came when Stephen, Katie and Adam purchased what may charitably be described as ‘furniture’ from the back of a junk shop, completely missing the more valuable objects at the front.

As they loaded it into the van the shop-owner admitted to camera that the stuff wouldn’t even make value as scrap. But in the car Stephen believed they’d got one over on the shop-keeper: “He probably doesn’t even know how much gold’s in that shop.” Yes. Yes he does Stephen. Because it’s still all there in his shop, and probably easier to see now you’ve taken away the junk.

Product least likely to be seen in Ikea

Clearly taking inspiration from the Victor Frankenstein homeware range, Team Sterling cobbled together table legs and suitcases with the wild abandon of children who’d just discovered daddy’s tool box.

It was all part of team leader Laura’s business plan – which might as well have been named ‘Operation: Turd Polish’ – as junk was assimilated with fabrics and paints in an effort to turn potential tetanus hazards into home furnishings for the taste-impaired.

Union Flags (they’re only Union Jacks at sea!) were smeared all over everything, and what couldn’t have a flag whacked on it had dead leaves strewn around it. The ‘suitcases on legs’ were so spectacularly shoddy in construction that a leg fell off one as the unfortunate dupe customer who’d bought it was heaving it out of the shop. Hope you kept your receipt madam!

Hipster Magnet of the Week

‘Less is more’, must be words that trendy Tom lives by in business, as he bought so little stock initially that it made his shop look emptier than Piers Morgan’s soul.

“There’s a difference between Minimalism and emptiness” said Nick Hewer, who had been ensconced at the back of the shop, flicking through old books to stave off boredom. But even he had admit that Tom had played it right: “I may have sneered yesterday and I apologise”.

Phoenix’s shop was stocked with just enough vintage bait to snare the sort of impossible hipster folk who are fascinated by a table simply because it existed before they were born.

Sales Fails of the Week

While Phoenix were pulling in the idiosyncratic crowds with their trendy tat, Sterling were struggling. Young Nicolas stood around on the street like a lost schoolboy while Jane, who is clearly the cameraman’s go-to-girl for shots of pained expressions, wandered along Brick Lane wearing a face so serious it’s a wonder that people didn’t come up to her to ask if she’d lost a child.

It didn’t help that neither of them were the kind of people who could connect with the bohemian  denizens. Nor did it help that they looked like they were dressed for selling life insurance rather than rickety furnishings, unlike Phoenix’s Stephen, who felt undoing a few shirt buttons made him look “arty”. It’s a wonder he didn’t top it off with a beret too…

Aired at 9pm on Wednesday 11th April 2012 on BBC One.

> Buy The Best Of The Apprentice on DVD on Amazon.

What were your favourite moments from the episode? Let us know below…