At the halfway point of The Returned secrets and recondite revelations come popping to the surface like bubbles from a deep dark reservoir. A reservoir becoming slightly less deep every day, and which is giving up hidden truths of its own, as a steeple rises like an extremely pious narwhal’s tusk. A secret submerged town? Yes in The Returned even the water talks, figuratively. And with subtitles. ‘Drink!’

On dry land people are drowning in spilled secrets. Thomas’ house alone is dripping with them, as he uses hidden cameras to spy on Adele. It’s uncomfortable, controlling, even if it is to protect her in case she tries to commit suicide, just like – ‘charge your glasses!’ – Simon did years ago. The only place he hasn’t installed CCTV is the attic, where – ‘Drink!’ – Adele is keeping Simon, just like George Snr. in Arrested Development. And like George Snr. he wants pop-pop in the attic. The mere fact we call it that shows we’re not ready for it, unlike Simon and Adele.

Everyone else is living in as fragile web of truth and lies as Thomas, Adele and Simon. The reveal of one secret causes more to topple out, like dominoes falling. Lena’s bizarre supernatural scar is diagnosed as a keloid (we strongly advise you not to Google Image that), but its very existence reveals the greater wound of domestic abuse in her family, and her anger at Camille leads to her ‘outing’ her sister as a returned. ‘Down it!’. Lena and her scar are a walking metaphor for everyone around the returned: people come back from the dead and those close to them becomes scar tissue – an emotional wound that never came to terms with healing.

The most shocking reveal is the one tied to Victor, himself a secret to all but Julie until Laure discovers him (‘Top up!’). It feels less like far-fetched plotting and more like destiny that burglar Pierre should come to look after the child he was complicit in killing (‘Finish the bottle!’). Fate seems to bend around Victor, the boy who died, then lived, like an undead Harry Potter. And such is Victor’s apparent ability to get people to commit suicide that it’s no secret we’d like to see Pierre impaled on his own smugness and being eaten by ravens by this time next week.

Sho, ‘hic’, The Retru…Retra…The Returned wash pretty good thish week. Aaand you? You you’re our best friend. The bestestest. Let’s go get a kebab and talk about that sobering cliffhammer. Cliffhanger. Is cannibal Serge about to get his first taste of keloid? Hmmm. Suddenly we don’t feel so well…

Aired at 9pm on Sunday 30 June 2013 on Channel 4.

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