Aren’t you tired of Hollywood constantly creating the same movies again and again?
They are called formulas for a reason: once a single movie becomes a huge hit, all of the other movies fall in line. Here are five movies that Hollywood needs to make – and the reasons why they haven’t yet…
1. A Romance With Realistic Interpersonal Reactions
Do you know what most comedy romance films have in common? The male lead would probably be in cuffs by the end of the film. Let’s face it: most of the antics that the charismatic male leads get up to in romance movies are just plain creepy.
When you read these acts, do you think Husband Material or Grade A Sociopath?
- Following her around to figure out what she likes.
- Showing up at her place of work after a bad breakup.
- Getting into a physical fight with her new boyfriend.
- Running through airport and/or train security to catch her.
- Takes advantage of an amnesiac to convince her that she is his wife.(Really: Overboard, 1987.)
All of these things have occurred in real romantic films time and time again. Our solution? Begin a romantic comedy with a hunky lead that just won’t take no for an answer – and then swap him out mid-movie after the restraining order hits.
2. The “Video Game” Movie a la Comic Book Movies
No, we aren’t talking about Lara Croft. The few video game movies that we have had tend to be terrible because they stray too much from the material, whereas comic book movies hold (relatively) faithful. The core: video game movies need to be made by people who like video games.
Lately, many games–especially AAA titles–have had creative storylines and compelling characters right off the bat. Here’s an off-the-cuff list of games that could be easily transitioned to the big screen without a lot of hacking up:
- Assassin’s Creed
- Mass Effect
- Halo
- Uncharted
- Dead Space
- Bioshock
- The Last of Us
Our money is on Uncharted: done properly it could be the next Indiana Jones franchise. All the parts are there: Hollywood just needs to like them.
3. A Gritty Real-Life Biopic of Someone in the Poker Industry
This is a movie that practically writes itself, so why can’t Hollywood get it right? Every time Hollywood attempts to make a biopic in Poker-land, one of two things happens: the actual poker is sidelined or the person’s life is completely rewritten.
“But,” you object, “Hollywood always jazzes up its screenplays!” Jazzing up would make sense–but, as in the Stu Ungar biopic, for some inexplicable reason Hollywood is actively trying to make these films less exciting than they would otherwise be. What’s the problem? Hollywood doesn’t trust general audiences to enjoy the excitement of poker and it doesn’t trust poker fans to enjoy a faithful retelling. The result is a botched attempt to stay in-between the two audiences.
Our solution for a great poker movie? The Greg Merson Story. Greg Merson was able to achieve fame and fortune only after beating addictions to both marijuana and cocaine. But as exciting as that is, don’t skimp on the actual poker!
4. A Comic Book Movie with a Female Lead
Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, Spiderman – what do all of these comic book characters have in common? We’ll give you a hint: it’s below the waist. Despite the incredible proliferation of comic book movies today, none of them have been made with a female lead (Black Widow has been bandied about, but come on – she doesn’t even have super powers!).
The movie industry is terrified of making a comic book movie with a female lead simply because they believe it just won’t sell. But comic books have been testing out the markets for decades. Here are just a few potentially profitable franchises: Powergirl, She Hulk, The Scarlet Witch.
Who would be the perfect female lead for a comic book movie? We think Scarlet Witch would be a good bet. Could we see a solo outing for the character following her appearance with brother Quicksilver in Avengers: Age of Ultron?
5. The Sunday Morning Cartoon Remake
With all of the pandering currently being done at kids of the 1980s and 1990s, it’s surprising that so many Sunday cartoons have remained untranslated. After all, everyone loves nostalgia. Yes, they were cheesy, silly and sometimes outright nonsensical: but that’s what they were supposed to be.
One fantastic example is ThunderCats. This much-beloved franchise has tried and failed to get on the big screen multiple times because the conceit just doesn’t seem bankable: a remake of a cartoon contains as much CGI as a superhero movie and just isn’t “as in” as the comic books.