Sherlock‘s next adventure might have been confirmed for Christmas 2015, but that still feels oh-so-far away.
So what’s the devoted Sherlock fan to do to pass the time? Here are five ways you can fill that gap and honour the first man in history to give the Deerstalker sex appeal…
Practice the fine Art of Deduction
Like being able to fake your own death or blag your way into a military installation, the Art of Deduction is a handy skill, so practise watching everything around you like a hawk that’s just been to Specsavers.
And if you ever bump into Sherlock writers Mark Gatiss or Steven Moffat, be sure to practice your Sherlockian skills to see if you can find out any spoilers.
Ink on Moffat’s fingers and a tomato sauce stain on his shirt? Maybe he’s been jotting down Sherlock ideas on a napkin while enjoying a quick chip butty… Gatiss has a snake draped round his shoulders while buying Pick ‘n’ Mix? Maybe it’s experience for writing an update of The Speckled Band…
Buy yourself a cool coat
Consign that body-shaped potato sack you call a coat to your local charity shop and get something you can sweep and swish about a crime scene/rooftop/Tesco in. The swishier the better – not too swishy now, you’re not the 10th Doctor – as it’ll billow out when you’re chasing down criminals, running away from imaginary dogs, or plummeting to your death, making you look outrageously heroic.
A cool coat will also help you express your mood to those around you. Collar down: I’m chasing after a suspect. Collar up: I mean business (or, I accidentally left my scarf at the crime scene and my neck’s cold).
Get yourself a nemesis
People are busy. And when they’re not being busy they’re being lazy: plonked on the sofa in front of Don’t Tell the Bride, simultaneously txting, tweeting and eating cereal right out the box. So it’s difficult to find someone who has the time to actively try and destroy you. It’s a 24 hour job after all. So where can you find one?
Well, everyone hates bankers right now, so try to cash in on that: what with all the layoffs after the financial crisis there are tons of unemployed bankers around with the time to spare, and they’ve got the devious minds and ruthless demeanour necessary to test your wits.
Plus they’ll have their own expensive suits, just like Moriarty, and the cash-on-hand necessary for evil business expenses like Semtex, henchmen, and elaborate disguises.
Find a sidekick
You need someone to spout your theories and uninhibited opinions at, but pick them wisely. You want someone who’s smart but not smarter than you. Non-smoker with medical training and GSOH is preferred, but if they have another useful skill (good with a firearm, ability to make a quiche from scratch) then that’ll do.
Spend an unhealthy amount of time with them. Ideally have them move in with you. Your curious bachelor lifestyle and aloofness will lead everyone to wonder if you’re gay, resulting in endless hilarious misunderstandings. Don’t say a word, and just enjoy that awkward silence – it’s your reward for being so damn inscrutable.
Alternatively, if your go-to everyman keeps disappearing to New Zealand, then you can always engage in a sexually-charged battle of wits with a dominatrix. This is likely to be very expensive and may result in physical injury, but it’ll make great blog fodder.
Get yourself a Mind Palace
Keeping your shopping list, your mum’s birthday, and your top 10 favourite Sherlock quotes in your noggin can be difficult if you don’t have a system. So do like Sherlock and imagine a space in which to keep them organised, like an episode of How Clean Is Your House for grey matter.
Perhaps start off with a Mind Cottage or Mind Maisonette, and work your way up the Mind property ladder. Before you know it, you’ll have a Mind Chateau and you’ll be the envy of your pub quiz teammates. All the fun of great memory, without any of the mortgage worries!
How are you coping with the wait for new Sherlock? Let us know below…