‘Mad Men’: 5 ways to pass the time until Season 6

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Season 5 of the unequivocally cool Mad Men is out on DVD and Blu-ray this week, and it’s another faultless season for the show.

> Buy Season 5 on DVD on Amazon.

But once you’ve watched the glamourous folk of SterlingCooperDrunkenPrice, how are you going to keep up the aura of ‘60s cool that you think you’ve cultivated just because you bought a slim fit suit and a tub of Brylcreem?

To help you out, we’ve got five ways to keep the spirit (and spirits) of Mad Men in your life until Season 6…

Cook a 1960s meal

Watching Season 5 of Mad Men closely you notice that Don’s wife Megan can only cook spaghetti. No wonder Don’s always staying out late, having a bar stool dinner of Old Fashioneds and Lucky Strike cigarettes.

To keep your hungry spouse from wandering off for sex and lamb chops at someone else’s gaff, learn to cook the kind of ‘60s ‘stick to your colon’ cuisine that’ll have them rushing home from the office like a ravenous dog in a trilby. Ambrosia Salad, Devilled Eggs, and Chicken a la King are all 1960s meals that are so starchy that your partner will be left immobile; gently sweating on the sofa and concentrating on digestion rather than dreaming of awkward intercourse on the photocopier.

To add authenticity to your dinner, play old news broadcasts of the Cuban Missile Crisis, interspersed with the smooth hits of Harry Belafonte, while you discuss subjects as ‘This Rock and Roll craze’ and ‘Which of your neighbours you suspect of being a Commie’.

Learn self-defence

Turd with a smirk drawn on, Pete Campbell, gets into fisticuffs twice during Season 5. Now, we’re not advocating violence, but you should at least know how to defend yourself should a drunken co-worker come at you with a hole-punch or the half-full bottle of vodka they’ve been hiding in the filing cabinet.

Practise your pugilism on a sack filled with equal parts meat, beatnik poetry, and swiped office supplies. And if you want to take lessons from the ‘Lane Pryce School of British Fisticuffery’, shout out the odd phrase such as ‘Tally-ho, you scoundrel!’ or ‘By jove! I’ll turn your face to figgy pudding, what!’ as you deliver a swift uppercut to your assailant.

Decorate, ‘60’s style

Want to turn your home into the swingingest pad for all the cool cats to chill in and discuss Vietnam and whatnot? Of course you do!

A beige Wegner sofa, olive-coloured shag carpet or laminate flooring, brown cedar-panelled walls, an orange anglepoise lamp, plus several replicas of Rothko paintings hung about the place, will instantly capture the design flavours of the decade… and create that feeling that you’re living in a furnished stomach.

Master the cool art of bribery

Not always able to use his penis as a tool of coercion, Roger Sterling hands out $1700 in cash bribes in Season 5. Much like having an affair or stealing lead of a church roof, bribery is one of those timeless immoral acts that everyone thinks is wrong but still never goes out of fashion.

Pack your suit trousers with notes of various denominations, just in case you have to persuade a co-worker to perform an unpleasant task such as restocking the printer with paper, spying on your mistress, or voting for Richard Nixon. And if you get caught, just say that you’re giving them money for the office’s lunchtime cocktail run. Pina Coladas for everyone!

Learn mixology

Everyone should know how to make at least one cocktail and no, we don’t mean just combining liquor and Red Bull in a big jug and serving it with five straws. Practice making authentic ‘60s drinks such as Martinis, Manhattans, and Old Fashioneds until you’re sure you’ve got them absolutely right.

Think of it a self-taught mixology course, rather than what it really is, which is you getting drunk on your own. And remember: self-teach responsibly people. We don’t want you riding around the office on a lawnmower, drunk off your ass. This isn’t Season 3.

Are you looking forward to Season 6? Let us know below…

> Buy Season 5 on DVD on Amazon.

> Buy the Complete Seasons 1-4 boxset on Amazon.

Watch the Season 5 trailer…