Summer’s coming; time to book your holiday! But where to head?
We’re here to give you some ideas for your holiday by picking out the Earth’s best summer holiday destinations, as frequented by top travel expert, the Doctor:
The USA
For a week of excitement, try New York, the city that never sleeps… or blinks! Overrun with temporal anomalies, Weeping Angels, and quality theatre, The Big Apple is the only place so vibrant that you can be reading a book in Central Park one minute and running for your life in the 1930s the next.
While New York has plenty of great places to stay, visitors are advised not to check in at the 1 star Winter Quay hotel. To quote one TripAdvisor review, ‘Help me! They’re stealing my life! And there’s no kettle!’
For those keen to experience the American heartland, head to Utah. There you can picnic on the picturesque shores of Lake Silencio and play Silent-spotting (remember to bring a marker pen and a clean forearm). Occasionally local resident Canton Everett Delaware III visits the lake to pay his respects and fish. If you see him, do say hi.
Also while in Utah, be sure to stop by the old Van Statten Museum, which boasts the largest collection of alien hairdryers this side of Adipose 9, and the second biggest ball of tin-foil in the Northern Hemisphere.
France
The perfect country for culture vultures, France is rich with art and aliens. Paris proudly boasts of being ‘Jagaroth free for 35 years’, so after enjoying a bowl of bouillabaisse take a trip to The Louvre to visit The Mona Lisa (or one of her). Any stories that she once came to life and toted a gun are pure apocrypha, spread by a nosy British journalist and her troublesome kids.
Beyond the capital, The Palace of Versailles hosts its annual Clockwork Man Ball every April 15th to mark the death of Madame de Pompadour. The centrepiece of the ball involves a re-enactment where a guy in a tight suit rides a pantomime horse into the banquet hall and tramples men dressed as carriage clocks while the crowd encourages him on with cheers of ‘Allons-y!’
Or why not escape ‘le hustle et le bustle’ and get into the countryside? Visit rural Arles to see where Vincent Van Gogh painted and, legend has it, once fought off a rogue Krafayis. Van Gogh prints and porcelain Krafayis are widely available in the region’s many gift shops.
Germany
Enjoy historic Berlin by Tesselecta! Shrink yourself down to microscopic size and tour the sights of Germany on the eve of war, taking in the city’s best concert halls and dining rooms, plus The Reichstag and Hitler’s cupboard.
Be sure to head to the lido deck (located on the left shoulder) at 4 every afternoon to see Nazi war criminals being punished from the comfort of your own deckchair.
Italy
Filled with history – like a ravioli filled with… history – Italy is the place to explore the failed alien invasions of the past, and also that time The First Doctor accidentally helped Nero burn down Rome.
Try beautiful Venice, where you can almost hear the cries of the millions of dead vampiric fish babies over the lyrics of ‘O Sole Mio’ as you gondola along the waterways.
Or take a tour of Pompeii and see if you can tell who was petrified by the volcanic eruption and who was a Pyrovile convert before Vesuvius exploded. Who says history can’t be fun?
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