About halfway into Episode 9 of The Tunnel our reviewing notes on the episode just stopped. No, we hadn’t hit our drinking-grade Boîte de Vin earlier than usual and passed out. We were so wrapped up in hoping that Laura Roebuck wasn’t smithereened into a fine red mist that we forgot we had hands. Good grief, that was tense. That was bloody tense.

It’s Episode 8 of this ten-part cross-country endurance murderthon and finally we can start to see the light at the end of The Tunnel. It’s about time. We’ve been stumbling around in the dark for what feels like ages.

Is anyone else watching The Tunnel? Or is that slight echo as we’re watching just something wrong with our TV? Never mind, you’re here now and that’s all that matters. And just in time to see the plot move incrementally forward!

Ahh the youth of today, with their McBusted and their Snapchat and their big shoes. If they’re not busy FML’ing at everything then they’re being immolated by a pan-national terrorist as part of his fourth ‘truth’. And there’s no one around Instagram it. FML indeed.

You probably can’t tell because there aren’t two halves of two corpses lying across the fourth paragraph of this review, but we’re at the halfway point of Sky Atlantic’s continental murder marathon. The homicide hump.

In fiction, it never pays to be a randy teen. You’re always being chased through your house by some knife-wielding fiend in a Halloween mask, or attacked by a werewolf while smooching with your sweetheart in your dad’s Studebaker at Make-Out Point.

Even in 2013 society doesn’t respect its elders, or treat them well enough. It’s as if those ’70s and ’80s pop hits ‘Grandpa We Love You’, and ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’ were all for naught. Perhaps it’s time to round up all the celebrity codgers and codgettes for an elderly-awareness charity single, Band Aid style. They could call it ‘Hearing Aid’. Or something.

It’s not surprising that Scandinavian culture-clash cop show The Bridge has been adapted. What is surprising is that more dramas haven’t been based around The Channel Tunnel. The 31 mile subaquatic claustrophobia pipe filled with hurtling metal and disparate lives is a big concrete sausage of stories, yet to date the most dramatic thing to have happened in it was the denouement to Mission: Impossible. And that was 17 years ago.