New Year’s Eve. Always a letdown. But this December 31st, whether you’re having every atom of your privacy invaded in a club so packed that it resembles a box of sweaty styrofoam peanuts, or you’re sat at home with a sherry, waiting to salute the clock at midnight, think on this: it could be worse. You could be in an underpass, caving in your cannibalistic brother’s head with a crowbar as he tries to eat Catwoman’s pancreas. ‘Should auld acquaintance be forgot’?. Ideally, yes.

If you turned Episode 4 of The Returned into a drinking game, with the rule of having a shot every time someone discovered a secret, then by the time the credits rolled you’d be lying unconscious on the floor, being eaten by your cats Mme Payet style.